


Crash

by Sutoresu



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Tree Bros., zoe and connor are working on their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sutoresu/pseuds/Sutoresu
Summary: Evan and Connor go up to a place Evan had been wanting to show his boyfriend for a long time. Needless to say, it goes south fairly fast.





	Crash

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly not even sure this is even good. This is kind jumbled in my opinion, but I finally finished it, so I hope anyone who reads it ends up enjoying it.

“Did we really have to come this far out?”

“Oh, stop complaining! The view is awesome! I promise!”

Connor sighed and moved his hair out of his eyes with his free hand as he walked with his boyfriend on a trail. Said boyfriend, named Evan, was practically bouncing in excitement at going to...wherever they were going. It was a hill, he tried to remember. He didn’t really look forward to going out with how he was now, but Evan looked so excited when he said yes. So, he didn’t regret the decision. He just hoped it went well. He looked at the shorter boy leading him along as he held his hand.

Evan recently got his cast off, just a few days ago. Connor actually kind of missed it, considering he viewed it as a way as a way for people to know he was his. He had signed his name over the entirety of it when they first met seriously. That was a rough day. But, after he resisted the urge to kill himself that time, he actually began talking to Evan more. At first, he wanted to see what the hell was up with him after he wrote that weird ass note about his sister and all. But, he began to like the boy after some time (and getting past the several defenses Evan had put up against just about everyone). Connor, of course, made the move. Hell, anyone could’ve seen Evan was a closet gay. Just look at the guy. Or, at least that’s what Connor himself said. He was happy when Evan said yes, nonetheless.

Connor found himself smiling to himself in his idle thoughts, suddenly being broken out of them when Evan stopped to get a little closer to his face. The taller boy blinked, glancing down at him. Evan gave a slight, curious smile as he tilted his head slightly.

“What are you smiling about?” The shorter boy asked with a little laugh to his tone. Connor chuckled, leaning in and giving him a little kiss.

“Nothing, babe. Just about how cute you are.” This response caused Evan’s cheeks to redden in a blush.

“Oh, shush, you. We’re almost there!”

“Ah, hell yeah. Can’t wait to see what you’ve been talking about.”

Connor stuck his hand in his hoodie pocket as they continued to walk. He observed his boyfriend for what felt like the thousandth time since they’ve gotten together that day. They were quite the contrast. Evan wearing bright clothing and Connor wearing nearly all black. But, maybe that added to their appeal. He didn’t give a shit as long as no one tried to talk bad about them. He swore to fuck, he would maul anyone who would talk about Evan even a little bit-

“We’re here!”

The taller boy broke out of his sudden violent thought to take in what he was seeing. It was a high hill that gave them an overview of the town below. A gentle breeze blew by, causing his hair to move in the wind. His visage showed his astoundment, earning a giggle from his boyfriend.

“See? I told you!”

“Yeah...you did.”

The taller boy could see joy run through his boyfriend’s face before he strided forward a tad bit.. Evan plopped down, patting the seat beside him. Connor sat down beside him and Evan scooted in close. Connor wrapped his arms around him with a smile, earning one in return from Evan. They stared into the horizon, idly relaxing.

The two began to chat about nothing as the world passed them by. It was great for the both of them. They felt like they were separated from everything else. A feeling of...escape. Soon enough, they began to just sit in silence. 

Suddenly, Even held Connor’s arms to re-adjust himself slightly, but it caused Connor to wince. Evan blinked, looking up at his boyfriend.

“What was that?” He asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. Connor almost began sweating right then and there.

“It was nothing.” He quickly said. Evan didn’t seem to buy it.

“Let me see your arm.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“I promise it’s nothing.”

“...I suppose.”

Connor breathed a sigh of relief, not believing he got away with it. Much to his dismay, however, he didn’t get away with it. Using this as a distraction, Evan quickly grabbed his arm and pulled the sleeve of his hoodie up. Upon doing so, he saw the scars. There were ones from a while ago, but then there were some fresh ones. Evan froze for a moment before Connor snatched his arm back, pulling the sleeve down harshly. Heavy silence fell over them, Connor not looking at his boyfriend, who looked hurt and maybe a little angry.

“...You promised me you wouldn’t do that again.” He mumbled slowly and quietly. He was trying hard to not lose his composure right then and there. Connor could hear the tone, biting his lip before taking a deep breath.

“...I know, just, shit happens.” He regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth. Evan shot up before he could even blink.

“You can’t just use that as an excuse! Why didn’t you talk to me?!”

“I didn’t want to bring it up yet again.”

“Why not?!”

“Because I do it too much and it’s probably annoying!”

“Well, it’s not! I care and I love you! Why wouldn’t I want to hear about this?!”

The argument was sliding into dangerous territory. Shut it down, Connor.

 

“It’s a mindset!”

“A mindset?!”

Calm it down, Connor. Before you say something stupid.

“Yes, a mindset! You think I’m joking?!”

“No, just, I’m just upset you didn’t tell me!”

He was getting flustered. It was obvious. He seemed to be recoiling more and more.

“Well, you don’t know what it’s like to be suicidal!”

It went so silent that one could hear a pin drop. Connor immediately put a hand up to his mouth in shock, not even wanting to look at Evan. But, he had to. He mentally prepared himself before he looked up. The preparation did nothing. Evan was in tears, holding the front of his shirt while looking down. Not light tears either. He began to full on sob for a few moments before Connor broke out of his daze. Connor instantly got up and tried to hold him.

“Evan, I’m-” He didn’t get to finish as Evan suddenly moved away from him. 

Connor felt his heart break as soon as it happened. He noticed Evan opening his mouth trying to say something, but only sobs came out. He instead just turned and ran back into the trees, probably heading home. Connor tried to call after him, but nothing but a helpless sound came out.

2 days later…

Connor was lying on his bed, bouncing his foot in his anxious state, quickly grabbing his phone. No texts or calls from Evan. He decided to give the boy his space because he knew how he got, but he received absolutely no response from the boy within that time. He opened up his messages to send what must’ve been his thousandth message.

:Connor: Evan, please tell me you’re okay. I fucked up and I’m sorry. I really need to talk to you.

He sighed, tossing his phone to the side and then putting his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe he said something so fucking insensitive to his boyfriend, who’s already really fragile. Someone knocked on his door and he felt sudden anger well up in him from him being disturbed.

“Hey, bro? Can I come in?” It was Zoe standing on the other side of the door. That was unexpected. He was so sure it was going to be Larry or Cynthia coming to lecture him about something. He just tried to calm himself down while getting up and throwing some things around to tidy up.

“Yeah, come in.” He told her when he finished. Zoe walked in, looking around the room.

“Huh. Did yous switch things up since I’ve been in here?” She hummed. He rolled his eyes, lying back down.

“Yeah, yeah. What do you want?”

“Can’t I be a good sister and come check in on my brother?”

“Is that what you came here to do?”

“Actually, yes.”

“Oh.”

Connor had to admit, he was a bit taken aback by her coming in to check on him. Even if they repaired their relationship (mainly because of Evan’s influence on Connor), they hadn’t gotten to the point of hanging out or talking to one another too often. Zoe plopped down beside Connor without much thought behind it.

“Now, let’s get down to the knitty gritty.” Zoe said boldy. “I’m sure you’re dreading this, right?”

“Well, I’m just surprised at the moment.”

 

“Oho? Why’s that?”

“Because my sister just came to see if I was okay.”

“Well, get used to it, my dear brother. We’re siblings and we’re going to act like it. Which is why I’m already planning things for us to do.” 

“Do I haaaaaaave to?”

“Yes, you do.”

They both shared a laugh and Connor had to admit that it lifted his spirits some. He had pretty much been brooding since he had his fight with Evan and it felt good to just try and get out of the mood some. Even though Zoe was trying to get him to talk about it.

“So, getting back on track,” Zoe began, calming down some and now looking serious. “I see you’ve been a little...moodier than usual. What’s going on?”

“Oh, so you noticed?” Connor than asked. Zoe cast him a glance.

“Even if we weren’t talking, I know a lot about you, bro.” She said simply. “So, what is it? Is it Evan?”

“...”

“I got it right, huh? What happened?”

“...Okay, fine, I’ll talk about it.”

Connor ended up spilling a lot more about the incident than he thought he was going to. While Zoe found it obvious he was going through things based on how he usually acted and how bad he was before he had Evan, she wasn’t expecting such a heated argument between the two. By the time Connor finished, she was sitting there, gawking at him.

“...Holy shit.” She mumbled. Connor just sighed and rubbed his face.

“Yeah...I really fucked up, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah, you did, honestly. But, maybe you can fix it. You said he hasn’t replied for a while, right?”

“Yeah?”

“And you’ve been sending messages constantly?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Well, you say you’re trying to give him space, but you’re not really giving him space.”

“Huh.”

“Leave him alone for a while. Seeing texts from you so constantly might just be reminding him of it or something.”

Connor took a moment to process, blinking at her. Well, he hadn’t even thought about that. How stupid could he be? Of course Evan would be one to feel overwhelmed by numerous texts being sent to his phone. He glanced at his phone for a moment before breathing out.

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess I should give him time.” He agreed. Zoe smiled at his response.

“I’m glad you think so too. Now, to help with this, let’s go watch a movie. Mom and Dad are out of the house anyway.” She said, smiling. Connor surprisingly felt himself want to hang out with his sister for once. And it would help with his current issue.

“Sure, let’s do it.” He agreed again.

With that, Zoe hopped up and held her hand out to help him. Connor smiled, grabbing it and then pulled himself up with her help. They exchanged a smile before Zoe turned to the door.

“Race you to the couch!” She shouted, suddenly bolting out the door. Connor blinked and took after her.

“No fair, cheater!” He said in a playful tone. Zoe just laughed as she slid down the railing.

~

Around an hour and a half later, Zoe was asleep, leaning into her brother with a bowl of popcorn on her lap. Connor was staring ahead at the television before he sighed, letting his head loll back to stare at the ceiling. His mind trailed back to his phone and Evan. He slowly pulled it out of his pocket, trying to not wake his sister up. No new messages.

Not a single one.

Connor was feeling fairly shitty. He knew some text apology wasn’t going to cut it, but Evan wasn’t replying so they could meet. He began to grow more and more anxious, wondering what had happened to his boyfriend. He paused for a moment.

...Ex-boyfriend?

Shit, he didn’t even want to think about that outcome. He slowly slipped away and lied Zoe down on the couch. He just put a cover over her before grabbing his car keys from his room and slipping out of the house. Good thing Larry and Cynthia were out or they’d give him shit for leaving. 

Once he was driving, he turned on some light music. He rarely did so, but in times like these, he liked listening to calming melodies and tunes instead of his usual ones, which were much wilder. He sighed, leaning back into the driver’s seat as he steered with one hand. One thing he did like about living in the area he was in, there weren’t too many people. So it was perfect for driving at his own pace. He tapped along to the song that was currently on. A depressing atmosphere was heavy in the care and he was getting bothered himself. But, realizing this, he came to a decision and realization.

Everything was going to be okay.

Evan wasn’t going to break up with him. They were going to talk eventually and everything would turn out alright. Connor would take him on a thousand dates to make up for the awful things he did. They’d be able to move on from everything. Evan was going to text him. He was. He just knew it-

Connor almost veered off the road when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He had been so lost in thought that he was surprised he hadn’t totaled his car yet. He pulled his phone out lazily, checking to see what made the notification sound. He saw a text being the most recent one.

Evan: Hey.

He almost screeched to a stop in the middle of the road, but held his composure well enough to pull over first. As soon as he turned his car off, he instantly got to replying. He could fucking cry.

Connor: Evan! Hey!

Evan: Yeah...hey.

Evan: I’m, uh, sorry about ignoring you. I needed some time.

Connor: You don’t need to apologize, Evan. What I said was WAY out of line.

Evan: Well...you didn’t know.

Connor: Know what..?

Evan: About...the thing.

Connor: What thing?

Evan: Wow, it getting really hard to type this.

Connor: I’m coming over.

Evan: W-Wait, now?!

Connor: Yeah. I was driving around anyway and your mom isn’t home yet, right? Even if she was, she’d probably let me in.

Evan:...Yeah, you’re probably right.

Connor realized he might’ve been too forceful in saying he was going to come over. He slapped himself on the forehead before quickly going to add another reply.

Connor: Wait, uh...CAN I come over?

Evan: Um...yeah. 

Connor: Are you sure? I totally get it if you don’t wanna see me for a while still.

Evan: No, no...come over. We need to talk anyway.

Connor: Alright, be there soon.

Evan: Alright. Hurry, if you don’t mind.

That was all Connor needed. He turned his phone on silent for the imminent serious talk they were about to have before tossing into the passenger’s seat before he sped down the road, heading to Evan’s house. Several thoughts began going through his head at once. What would he see when he walked in the house? An angry Evan? A sad Evan? Both? He didn’t want to ever see Evan like he saw him on that hill ever again. Not as long as he could help it. So, he was going to do his damn best if Evan was in a bad state.

Before he knew it, he was pulling up to Evan’s house. He launched himself out of the car, rushing to the front door. He gave a few quick knocks before shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. Damn, he really should’ve grabbed a jacket-

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened.

Evan looked rough. Very rough. His hair was all messed up, he was barely dressed (he had a blanket around him), and his eyes were puffy from crying. Guilt surged through Connor for the umpteenth time. 

“Oh my God, Evan.” He whispered, quickly stepping into the house and closing the door behind him. “W-What happened, are you okay-” Evan cut him off by throwing his arms around him, squeezing him like Connor was going to disappear if he let go. Connor wasted no time in hugging him back.

“...I missed you.” Evan mumbled. Connor was relieved to hear that.

“I missed you too, Evan.” He whispered in return.

“Now...we should talk about why I reacted like that.”

Connor nodded at the shorter boy’s words, releasing him for a moment. Evan walked up the stairs, back to his room where he had been staying for the time he was ignoring Connor. Said boy followed him silently until they arrived in his room. Evan sat on his bed while Connor closed the door and sat at the desk he he had. They sat for a few moments, looking down at the ground. Then, much to Connor’s surprise, Evan took a deep breath and started the conversation wrong.

“W-Well, first, I’m not really mad at you.” Evan said slowly. Connor shook his head.

“What I said was fucking horrible and I will do ANYTHING to make it up to you, Evan.” He said strongly, looking him right in the eye. It made Evan squirm as he momentarily looked away before nodding. 

“T-Thank you, but...there was another reason I reacted like that.” 

“What do you mean?”

“So...you know how I broke my arm falling from that tree?”

“Yeah? You got your cast off a while ago.”

“Yeah, but, what if...I didn’t fall?”

“...You mean you didn’t actually fall from a tree?”

“No, no, I did! But, you know, just...exactly fall?”

“Evan, you’re losing me.”

“...What if I more so let go than fell?”

Connor was confused for a second before the grave realization spread of his face. Evan looked to the side, rubbing his arms and beginning to cry already from admitting that to someone. Connor realized he had kept this all to himself and then he fucking accused him of not knowing what it feels like. How could he be so stupid? Evan had talked to him multiple times about how hard things were for him. And he never once connected the dots or even considered the possibility so he wouldn’t go and do something as stupid as he did.

The taller boy wasted no time in charging forward and almost tackling his boyfriend in a hug. Evan let him, wrapping his arms around and clutching his hoodie, beginning to sob furiously. The sound broke Connor’s heart, but he remained strong, whispering calming words and rubbing his back. After a few minutes of this, Evan was breathing enough to make out words.

“I-I’m...I’m s-sorry…” Evan choked out. “I-It was selfish and I shouldn’t have done it, but...I didn’t know w-what else to do!”

“Shhh, shhh, I know. I completely understand. I’ve been there too,” Connor told him. Then he leaned back and held Evan’s crying face. “But, hey! Look at me! You helped me through it, you know?”

Evan looking up at him despite the tears was enough to know that Connor had the boy’s attention. He took a deep breath and then began to speak again.

“You already know I was in a dark place, but I almost ended it all the day you agreed to be my boyfriend. I was feeling low and decided, ‘Hey, fuck it! I’m going to get over my fears and ask him out!’ and I never would’ve thought you would say yes. I was honestly going to just leave right then and there if you didn’t. Sounds immature, but I was going to do it anyway. Evan, you SAVED me.” Connor told him, looking him in the eyes all the while. Evan sniffled softly, wiping his tears away.

“I...I did?” He asked. Connor gave him a smile and nodded. 

 

“You did! You really did!”

Evan stared at him for a moment before he sat up and kissed him. Connor gladly kissed him back and everything around the two seemed to disappear for those few moments. The kiss was chaste, being quick, but filled with love. Evan then wrapped his arms around the other’s neck before Connor held him in return.

“...Let’s agree to never go through so many days without each other again like that.” Evan mumbled. Connor smiled and nodded in response.

“I totally agree.” He hummed, kissing Evan’s head.

Evan let them fall over so they could cuddle, Connor falling with him and kicking his shoes off in the process. Evan held the cover up slightly and Connor slid into it so they were sharing it. Connor wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and Evan slid in close, putting his face in his chest. Before Connor knew it, Evan was out cold, breathing softly against him. The crying must’ve let him pretty worn out. He was tired himself and he sighed silently, looking at the wall. Suddenly, he realized.

He forgot to text Zoe or tell anyone in his family where he was. 

Shit. He thought about pulling out his phone and texting them, but then Evan shifted closer to him, causing him to look down. He stared for a moment before smiling softly, kissing his head. He didn’t want the motion of pulling a phone out to disturb them. Good thing he turned it on silent. 

His family’ll be alright.


End file.
